So it began...

I don't really know why I am starting a blog. As if I don't spend enough time writing and working on the computer anyway. Oh well, here it goes.
I feel ...... I don't know what I feel. I thought I knew what and who I was, or at the very least, knew what direction I was going in, and then life turned on me. Threw me for a loop.
My grandma recently passed and I haven't been able to deal with it well. I imagine she's still there, just sleeping in her room or visiting with my aunties, but that she's still here. It's hard to believe that she's gone and who knows when I'll see her again.
It has been tough. It hurts to see my family, especially my grandpa, in so much pain. And it hurts me too.

But, I'm being selfish and not thinking of the positive things and people in my life. Like the wonderful family who gathered to celebrate my birthday recently, or the friends from work who brought me flowers, cards and cupcakes, or the friends from college and high school and even middle school who stopped by to wish me a good day and give me a hug. Or the card that my auntie gave me that said something so simple, but really meant more than she could have known. And the celebration of me that drew my friends to the place we gathered...

And the good health, the loving home, the wonderful job and the amazing people that help me feel comfortable with who I am and what I've managed to become.

The beau asked the other day if I ever write creatively, and I told him no. I tried to do it on my own time, aside from work, and it just became a hassel. I'm not sure if this online "journaling" will help any better than before, but I hope it will.

I haven't told any of my friends or family about this blog, and I don't think that I will. I'll just remain anonymous, it's sometimes easier to be me when its that way.

So however, you've managed to stumble upon this page, and managed to read this far into my rambling, I hope that you enjoy it. And know that each word I've typed has come from what I think and feel, and out onto my computer screen. I think a lot of times when we read, we forget to remember that the words didn't type themselves and the thoughts didn't come from a computer. Someone took the time to think, and hit each of the keys, putting their effort into it.

Like the purple blanket that rests across the foot of my bed. My grandma crocheted that for me, while I was in college. She touched every piece of that blanket and thought about it and what she was doing and why she was making it. It feels good to be able to touch it and feel it and know that my grandma touched and felt every piece of it. Like the sweaters, scarves and mittens my mom knits me.

Ok, enough rambling. I do have work tomorrow, after all.

*******************************
Well, since I called my blog poetic periodisa, here is a taste of the poetic side of me. The following was written from the emotions evoked by a former boyfried who should have earned the title "ex" long before he did...


::::Hoy Empieza Mi Tristeza::::

It's a single tear that drains the life from within me,

Each syllable ripping the feelings from
my heart
and stabs my chest with undeniable change.

and Your words will have cut you deeper than they ever did me.

One day the love in my heart will return
and unthaw the life that has frozen inside.

The ghosts of our past swirl in and out,

The lingering reality of yesterday takes hold and i seize to breathe.

you're alive without me and i am dead inside

my love has killed me
yours has ruined me
ours has deceived me

Though one day the shadow that i have become will reemerge
and drown you in your own desire

and I will not seek the sweet revenge
that is mine